Another year is slipping away from us with the speed of a train leaving the station and building up steam. As each day falls behind us, so do the weeks and irrevocably the months. Time is ever on the march, and it tends to catch us completely off guard when we reach the end of the year...and, suddenly, the Holidays are upon us and we hear someone say the words: "Tis the season!"
"Tis the season" is one phrase I can learn to live without. The cheerfulness is like gallows humor. It's almost like people are saying, "Hey! It's the most stressful time of year! Let's be happy about it, eh?" No, thank you. I'll stay miserable and depressed.
The few lessons I have learned through the years have been pretty important ones, though. For instance, I know through many past instances that it's a good idea to have my sponsor's number from Alcoholics Anonymous handy during the Holiday season. I've also learned that shopping amongst the teeming hoard of germ-breeders is for people who enjoy throwing up and coughing for a solid month straight. I do about 90% of my Christmas shopping on the Web now, and much of that is for Christmas shirts to satiate the insane cat-lady brood that I'm related to.
Do you know what else is terrible? Women! Okay, not women exactly, but shopping on behalf of women is a veritable hell on earth. If it weren't for Christmas-themed clothing, I probably would have run away and joined the circus by now. I hear they don't celebrate Christmas at the circus. I don't even think about what I'm buying the ladies in my family anymore. I just get on the Web and buy any tee I can find with some reindeer, snowmen, Santas, or whatever on it. The chicks in my family go crazy for that stuff. Christmas t-shirts are like heroin for women in their 30's and 40's.
All jokes aside, it's a pretty darn good plan that takes much of the stress out of my Holiday trials. I get on the Internet with a goal in my head sometime around August, and I stick with it until I get all of the ladies in my extended family all kinds of cutesy Christmas clothing to wear. By the time Halloween rolls around, all of those women are taken care of and I don't have to waste another thought (or dollar) on any of them.
Take it from a certified Christmas genius: you just can't go wrong with the perfect combination of Christmas t-shirts and women with dogs, kids, cats, or all three. If people followed my advice, there would be about 1,000 fewer fatal stabbings during the Holiday season.
"Tis the season" is one phrase I can learn to live without. The cheerfulness is like gallows humor. It's almost like people are saying, "Hey! It's the most stressful time of year! Let's be happy about it, eh?" No, thank you. I'll stay miserable and depressed.
The few lessons I have learned through the years have been pretty important ones, though. For instance, I know through many past instances that it's a good idea to have my sponsor's number from Alcoholics Anonymous handy during the Holiday season. I've also learned that shopping amongst the teeming hoard of germ-breeders is for people who enjoy throwing up and coughing for a solid month straight. I do about 90% of my Christmas shopping on the Web now, and much of that is for Christmas shirts to satiate the insane cat-lady brood that I'm related to.
Do you know what else is terrible? Women! Okay, not women exactly, but shopping on behalf of women is a veritable hell on earth. If it weren't for Christmas-themed clothing, I probably would have run away and joined the circus by now. I hear they don't celebrate Christmas at the circus. I don't even think about what I'm buying the ladies in my family anymore. I just get on the Web and buy any tee I can find with some reindeer, snowmen, Santas, or whatever on it. The chicks in my family go crazy for that stuff. Christmas t-shirts are like heroin for women in their 30's and 40's.
All jokes aside, it's a pretty darn good plan that takes much of the stress out of my Holiday trials. I get on the Internet with a goal in my head sometime around August, and I stick with it until I get all of the ladies in my extended family all kinds of cutesy Christmas clothing to wear. By the time Halloween rolls around, all of those women are taken care of and I don't have to waste another thought (or dollar) on any of them.
Take it from a certified Christmas genius: you just can't go wrong with the perfect combination of Christmas t-shirts and women with dogs, kids, cats, or all three. If people followed my advice, there would be about 1,000 fewer fatal stabbings during the Holiday season.
About the Author:
There is a great site about light-hearted Christmas fun which can be found at cute Christmas tees where you can see how it's done right.
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